The first time that I taught study skills to high school students, I was amazed to see that listening was listed as one of the most important skills to learn. I think it was the “to learn” part that intrigued me. The book that had been put out by the National Secondary Schools Principals stated that sixty percent of a student’s school day involves listening, or should involve listening.
On further contemplation, we all know how hard it is to focus our attention on what another is saying. Most of the time we are formulating just what it is that we want to say. Therefore, the distinction was made in that study skills book between hearing and listening.
For example, when we are introduced to a person, how often do we forget the person’s name almost immediately. We make the excuse that we are just not very good with names. Bullshit! Truth be told, we are so eager to say something to the new person that we only hear his or her name. No way did we consciously learn the name. The skill of listening to and learning the person’s name would involve repeating the name aloud and studying the person’s features to distinguish something special.
In our book, Black and White Like You and Me, Thomas Marsh and I urge blacks and whites to begin the conversation to get to really know one another. I believe we need to make an amendment. Sure, talking is a first step, but what good is it if no one is listening? A cliché’ is that everyone wants to be heard. However, being heard means nothing if someone does not truly listen.
I go back to all the rhetoric around the commemoration of the rebellion of 1967 in Detroit. We couldn’t turn on the television or radio without hearing a variety of prominent people in the community weighing in on the topic. I think it made the speakers feel good that they were being heard, but I doubt that there was much listening. What has changed?
If you consider the topics of so many popular songs throughout our lives, you will hear the frustration caused by talking and not listening. Here is a list of a few examples:
- “Jive Talkin” Bee Gees
- “You Talk Too Much
” Joe Jones
- “Everybody’s Talkin’ at Me” Harry Nilsson
- “A Little Less Talk and a Lot More Action” Toby Keith
Well, you get the idea. Interestingly enough, by just googling songs about talking caused hundreds to appear.
Now I am going to google songs about listening. Hmmm? I did not have a lot of success there only finding songs about love and listening to your heart.
Talking vs. listening. God gave you one mouth and two ears for a reason. Shut your pie hole, and open your ears. The world will be a better place if you do.
