R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Find Out What It Means to Me
RESPECT: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
Two words in the above definition trouble me: feeling and elicited.
Let’s start with “feeling.” Is respect really a feeling? I do not think so. Respect is an acknowledgment, a mental choice, not a whim. Respect is not an all or nothing proposition as well. For example, I can respect an athlete for all the hard work he/she has put in to become skillful, but I can disrespect how he/she lives life outside of the sport. If respect were a feeling, it would be hard to divide it.
I like the word “elicited” meaning to have drawn forth. The persons’ actions are what elicits our respect, not necessarily what they say. The expression, “Talk is cheap; it takes money to ride a horse,” may be old-fashioned, but in this day of overwhelming communication, we hear too much talk, very often out of one side of people’s mouths. To elicit respect, someone must have an ability or quality that is exemplified by what they do or have done.
Now to the point of this blog. We are at a time, probably have been for quite some time, when previously respected and respectable persons have been “outed” for what they really are.
First came some of the Catholic priests who had always been respected by the very nature of their stature, but who have violated this trust and respect by their despicable actions of molestation.
Law enforcement officials, namely some police officers, have been “outed” for their heinous activities of targeting and in some cases killing minorities which completely violates a policemen’s reason for being and their right to respect.
Movie stars and Hollywood gurus have erroneously been respected for far more than acting ability and creation of fantasies. We now see them as less than respectable with their sexual harassment.
Government officials who we thought should be above reproach, who we thought should be the very best representatives of we, the people have violated our trust and our respect. Their deceit and their sexual harassment have destroyed the built-in respect that we had for their positions.
Therefore, as Aretha Franklin sings “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me” really is a challenge for all of us and not just for the man she is singing about. Our job is not to “feel” respect for someone but to learn what that the person’s qualities and achievements are in order to decide to respect him/her and to furthermore be cautious not to completely respect someone in an uncontrollable manner.
In our book Black and White Like You and Me, we urge people to get to know one another so that, perhaps, there will be mutual respect built on knowledge and not feelings.
